So, Im Vespa, (as if you didn’t know) like my Humans, Helen and Tim have asked me to totally review the Doggy Day market in Faversham on account of the fact Im like totally a professional Blogger and like Vegas my Big Bro, totally can’t write, like hes stupid or rubbish or something.
So here we go
Im a Whippet Saluki cross, so I am like practically Egyptian Royalty, coz Im like from Africa originally, or like China or something.
Most the dogs at the Doggy Day are like local, not being funny or anything but I don’t normally mix with , you know, like locals and that. I leave the bum sniffing to Vegas, coz hes like totally up for that. I m like, ‘no way, get your wet nose away from me.’ Coz I am like totally Alsatian intolerant.
So like basically I just chill on the market stalls, with like the cool humans, and avoid the bitches who are like totally showing out.
So this Doggy day is like totally popular, mainly coz the dogs obviously know that I’m like insta famous and totes wanted to meet me.
There were literally like 100 million dogs there, or maybe 40 hundred. Literally. All sniffing each other, like totally grossed me out. So I just chilled like I said. Vegas keeps moaning like “ How can you chill, when you don’t do anything all day?”
I’m like “ That’s basically Racist Vegas, that’s like cyberbullying, Im like so stressed now”
Any way, so I just hung with the Vegans on the Vegan food stall, coz like I’m totally Vegan, because like I respect my body and the world I live in. Vegas says I can’t be Vegan coz I like eat loads of Ham, but like, is he stupid because no one ever heard of an animal called a ‘Ham’? he’s so dumb that Jack Russell.
Through out the day they hold Dog fashion shows even for like, ugly dogs, coz like poor dogs, the world is like a melting pot and its important that ugly poor dogs get attention too, I’m like so into like equal opportunities. Although to be fair I let Vegas watch that one coz like I was so exhausted by then and they were giving away Vegan Moisty Meaty Chunks.
Vegas said I should enter the Best Bitch competition. I said like no way, I don’t get out of my basket for less than like a million Bonio’s.
He said he was being Ironic, but the joke was on him coz like I don’t speak Ironic, so it was like totally wasted.
Anyway there were like loads of breeds, and those like Boston Terriers who are so like, “ Oh look at me, Im like so on trend right now”. And the Pugs were like, “ get over yourself, we were on trend once, and the Chiuauauas are like, yeah we know what you mean, and the French Poodle barked up and we were all like, “ get back to the 70’s” and the Old English Sheep dog thought we were barking about her and it all like kicked off. It was a real bitch fight.
So Faversham is like totally happening right now, totes on trend, full of really hipster cool markets and vintage shops with free water bowls outside for like working class dogs like vegas, but I wont drink from them unless they have like Vegan water.
The Humans found like loads to look at, and treated me to Fox poo shampoo, coz a girls gotta exfoliate and they just don’t get on with the house smelling of Eau de Fox Poo. I also got a totally on trend pink harness which totally rocked the whole place. Last years Jean Paul Gaultier inspired Dog cone thing has still got the local fashionistas barking. But like Madonna, Beyonce, and Dot Cotton, I like to totally re invent myself each season. Vegas stuck to his Union Jack thing. Get over Brexit Vegas, coz we have totally left the UN now.
So anyway, if you missed me at the Faversham Doggy day, you’ll have to like totally get over it, and go next year. You can like even bring humans, but you know whats like totally freaked? There were literally like NO cats! Weird huh. Like it’s a conspiracy. They like totally get rid of them for the day. Like it’s a government cover up, like global warning, or Weapons of mass destraction.
Anyway I’m like totally outa here, woof woof!